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"Wow, what a butthole."

—Either a compliment or an insult depending on the situation  (via vapore0n)


what do kids even watch on tv now since theres no hannah montana or lizzie mcguire or fresh prince or suite life of zac and cody???^#$?????11!?!?


50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”

Cashier: *dies at register*
Customer: are you open

Tumblring on my phone Mom: who are you texting?
Me: nobody
Mom: what are you doing then?
Me: nothing


*organizes life at 3am*

© ohmockingjay