listoflifehacks:

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"Wow, what a butthole."

—Either a compliment or an insult depending on the situation  (via vapore0n)


crystallized-teardrops:

what do kids even watch on tv now since theres no hannah montana or lizzie mcguire or fresh prince or suite life of zac and cody???^#$?????11!?!?


soufflesandbowties:

50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”


Cashier: *dies at register*
Customer: are you open


Tumblring on my phone Mom: who are you texting?
Me: nobody
Mom: what are you doing then?
Me: nothing

gothqirl:

*organizes life at 3am*








© ohmockingjay